


Volleyball und Panzer

by Valgus



Category: Girls und Panzer, Haikyuu!!
Genre: Basically KageHina interacting with some girls aw., Drabble, Funny, KageHina if you squint., They're going for group date but they're all so unfit for anything group date-y., What am I supposed to tag this at?, You can still read it if you don't know Girls und Panzer TBH.
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-03
Updated: 2016-01-03
Packaged: 2018-05-11 09:17:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,145
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5621800
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Valgus/pseuds/Valgus
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hinata and Kageyama’s first goukon or group date in high school was, needless to say, an absolute mess.</p><p>Yes, they got girls who did sports too, but neither Hinata nor Kageyama would expect such girls to exist.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Volleyball und Panzer

**Author's Note:**

> There are 5 Girls und Panzer fics here. 
> 
> Five fics. 
> 
> FIVE!!1111!11ONE 
> 
> Anime with tons of girls isn’t usually my cup of tea, so I’m here for tANKS (and the fact that Japanese high school girls are operating them).
> 
> Also, in case you come here for KageHina, here’s all you need to know about Katyusha and Nonna, and "Girls und Panzer" overall:
> 
> Girls und Panzer sets in a universe where tank (Panzerfahren/ Sensha-do) is a feminine sport played throughout Japan. Katyusha and Nonna came from school with Russian-style tanks. Katyusha is an angry midget. Nonna is cool and collected pole. [Here is a very endearing picture of them in Siberia (?),](http://operationrainfall.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/12/Girls-und-Panzer-Katyusha-and-Nonna-001.jpg) LOL.
> 
> Last but not least, while Hinata is 162 cm and Kageyama is 180 cm, Katyusha is 127 cm (…) and Nonna is 172 cm (……..).

“Nonna, I want to go home!”

“Please don’t say that, Katyusha. At least stay for tea.”

 _Please stay for us_ was what Kageyama thought, but after second thought he believed he wanted to go home as well.

Next to him, Hinata was staring at the tall, dark-haired girl—Nonna-san—with a glare Kageyama knew very well. It was a why-are-you-so-tall-and-I-am-not stare.

It was Saeko-san who asked Hinata and Kageyama to do this whole group-dating thing. She met a friend of a friend who was from out of town and had two other friends who wanted to look around while they were in town. Kageyama wasn’t sure what happened, but somewhere along the line, Tanaka-san’s older sister said that it was important to understand life as normal high school student. Such life wouldn’t be complete without group-dating experience, she said, and Kageyama ate that up somehow.

Saeko-san had asked Kageyama to brought Hinata with him. Hinata was blushing on the prospect of doing group-date and Kageyama couldn’t help but to squish Hinata’s orange-haired head with one head.

“Stop! Stop! Agh! Why do you do this, Kageyama?” wailed Hinata at that time.

Kageyama grunted, “I don’t know, but you’re annoying, Dumbass!”

Now sitting across the girls whose plan was to go for clothes shopping and game center, Kageyama wished he had read a thing or two on group dating. He had imagined the girls would be like Kiyoko-san and Yachi-san, since they were pretty much the only girls Kageyama cared to know. He had imagined them to be medium-sized and really just another high school girl who likes pretty things and romance, but oh he was so wrong.

Kageyama had never been more wrong in his life.

The girl who sat across Hinata was a tall girl of at least 170 cm, which was pretty freaking tall for a Japanese girl. With dark, long and straight hair falling over her shoulder, her blue eyes glanced to Hinata blankly. The way she sat still was very contrast with always-moving Hinata. She was like the complete opposite of the girl who sat across Kageyama, a super-short girl who threw a murderous glare at Kageyama.

Kageyama thought Hinata was short, with himself being 180 cm and Hinata being almost 20 cm shorter. But the short blonde girl who sat across Kageyama was probably only 130 cm. She was so small that Kageyama could see her legs hanging from the chair she was sitting on, even though the table blocked such view. That and this “Katyusha” kept swinging her legs in irritation, unable to stop like Hinata couldn’t stop moving his hands around as he talked.

“Katyusha, I’ve heard the tea here is pretty good. You should give it a good try before go home,” said the tall girl, “Nonna”, who acted like Hinata and Kageyama didn’t exist at all.

“Why do I care about tea? They don’t even provide jam to go with my tea here! I don’t care about plain tea! I’m not Darjeeling! I want to go home!” Katyusha was practically fuming.

While Kageyama felt like a pole, standing to be ignored on the corner of a room, Hinata chuckled at the sight of Nonna pulling out a bottle of jar.

“I brought your favorite jar with me,” she said.

Katyusha furrowed her eyebrows, squeezing her eyes at the bottle on Nonna’s hand, “Okay, I’ll wait until tea. Also—“ she turned her head towards Kageyama, then Hinata, “Who are you two again?”

Naturally, Hinata answered first, “Oh! I’m Hinata. Hinata Shouyou. I’m a first year at Karasuno High School. This is Kageyama Tobio. We’re playing volleyball!”

“Hina… Kage…” repeated Katyusha half-heartedly.

Kageyama wanted to push her head to the ground so that she stood even lower.

“So you play sports too,” she sighed, visibly bored. “Too bad we don’t play the same sports. We have absolutely nothing to talk about. Just take us to somewhere we can buy jacket and then I want to play some shooting arcade game and then please disappear from my sight forever—especially you, the stupid lanky one.”

Kageyama wanted to launch Katyusha to the sky so that she would live in a distant star.

“Ooooh, you play sports!” Hinata was just as cheerful as always. “What kind of sports?”

The absolute I’m-more-superior-than-you look Katyusha gave Hinata made Kageyama wanted to flip the table.

“Nonna, you tell them,” grumbled Katyusha.

Nonna, who seemed to only act on Katyusha’s demand, nodded, “We do sensha-do.”

“Sensha-do?” repeated Hinata and Kageyama in unison.

“Yes. Tankery. Panzerfahren,” Katyusha added.

Kageyama was sure Hinata and him were silent for solid fifteen minutes.

“You… drive tank?” Hinata inquired, very slowly.

“Not just driving, Stupid!” barked Katyusha. “We’re doing tank! Shooting, arranging team and all—and I’m the overall commander!”

Kageyama supposed it was some sort of ‘captain’ in volleyball.

“Nonna is the co-commander and gunner,” Katyusha added while grinning.

By the look of Hinata’s face, Kageyama was sure that Hinata had no idea what gunner was and how did tankery work.

Hinata whispered a little to Kageyama, “Maybe ‘gunner’ is like people who do a lot of spike.”

When their teas came, Katyusha gulped a mouthful of jam before drinking her tea.

At this point, both Hinata and Kageyama had learned not to comment on Katyusha’s antique.

*)*

When they were out on November’s cold air, Kageyama was somehow stuck walking beside super-tiny Katyusha. It was so difficult for him to glancing down so much and he could tell she wanted nothing more than flip Kageyama into three so they stood on the same height, but both said nothing about that subject.

“Katyusha-san,” said Kageyama.

“What?” snapped the blonde.

“How tall are you?” Kageyama asked the exact some question to Tsukisihima the first time they met, so he didn’t exactly expect a kick into his knee when he asked that kind of question. “Owww!!! You little—“

“That’s not very polite! Beside, you’re just, like, copying Nonna,” Katyusha pouted.

Kageyama realized at this point that he probably would look exactly like Nonna if he was a girl, considering Nonna also has straight dark hair, blue eyes, and rather intimidating height, but he said nothing about that.

“I’m sorry,” was what Kageyama decided to say.

Katyusha was still pouting. But after some beats, she said, “I’m 127 cm.”

 _Under 130 cm!!!_ Kageyama was so shocked he had to calm himself down by remembering all the type of toss he could do as setter.

Behind them, Kageyama could hear Hinata did most of the talk for Nonna.

“Nonna-san, you are so tall! What do you eat, usually?” Hinata chirped.

Nonna’s answered was almost unheard. “Borscht.”

“What?”

“… Borscht.”

Hinata didn’t ask that question again.

On Kageyama’s side, Katyusha opened her mouth, “Hey, Fake-Nonna, do you know anything about KV-2?”

Kageyama shook his head, “No.”

“You don’t?” gasped Katyusha, her eyes sparkling like crazy. “Let me tell you about it! It’s an amazing type of tank. Well, basically, KV comes from Kliment Voroshilov. There are KV-1 and KV-2. KV-2’s armor thickness is up to 110 mm! How badass is that? Panzer III and Panzer IV—well, the early series—can’t do anything to KV-2! Also, don’t get me started on KV-2’s main armament. Do you know how mm is KV-2 armament? It’s… 152 mm! That is just too lethal. 152 mm, Fake Nonna! Imagine that! I don’t have to imagine one myself. I’ve used one already.”

Kageyama nodded. He translated Katyusha’s words into something around ‘Ushijima Wakatoshi’s power is really strong that he can pass through any blockers’. Maybe 152 mm-whatever that thing was a great number of armament as in spiking power.

Katyusha proceeded to talk about KV-85, which was apparently another tank that, according to her almost-hysterical statement, “can penetrate Tiger I from 1000 m using D-5T 85 mm gun”. To this, Kageyama heard something along “Oikawa Tooru’s jump serve is deadly even from the other end of the court”, since he had no idea how strong Tiger I was.

At the end of their walk, Kageyama felt like at least Katyusha and him had one thing in common: they were obsessed with their favorite sports.

*)*

On the clothing store, the one that Hinata said was recommended by Yachi-san, Katyusha and Nonna said that everything was too soft and they would tear if worn in Panzerfahren sports.

Then it came to Kageyama again that these two girls were driving massive war machine for sports and he said he’d bring them to next store.

*)*

In the end, after Nonna paid for Katyusha’s new padded cap—which was so not cute for Kageyama, because Katyusha was small and he imagined her with cuter stuffs somehow—they went for the rather sad game center Kageyama never visited as kid.

Sure enough, all Kageyama’s team was invested in volleyball-related activity.

But that didn’t mean he didn’t know how generally arcade game works.

Katyusha strode confidentially to a shooting game and looked up to Kageyama. “Play this with me, Fake Nonna,” she asked—no, commanded.

Kageyama shrugged, “Okay.” He was a setter. He couldn’t be too bad in shooting zombies on big screen.

But Kageyama was wrong.

Katyusha had an amazing sense of how to work her way out while being attacked from at least six different direction, while Kageyama was used to watch only for one ball. In the end his concentration helped him to not looked too embarrassing as the screen displayed Katyusha’s and his scores.

Katyusha got A. Kageyama got C.

Hinata patted Kageyama on the shoulder, “Don’t mind, Kageyama!”

Kageyama shoved the machine gun to Hinata’s hands, “Try this yourself, then.”

Katyusha chuckled, “Nonna, play with the Shorty.”

Hinata looked at Kageyama and Kageyama looked at Hinata. And here was a pot calling a kettle black.

While Hinata shot quicker and much more dynamic, Nonna swept the zombies army like spider crafting its nest; very carefully, very delicately, yet very precise and undeniably strong.

Katyusha and Kageyama stood on their side. Katyusha grinned, “Nonna is a gunner, after all.”

In the end, Nonna got A++ while Hinata got D.

Kageyama threw Hinata his not-very-pleasant smile as he patted Hinata on the shoulder, “Don’t mind, Hinata.”

Hinata fumed and jumped, “Shut up! Shooting zombies is harder than doing spike! Beside, you don’t toss to me, so it’s much more difficult!”

Kageyama’s desire to tease Hinata vanished. “Well, it’s not volley. I’ll toss to you tomorrow, so bear until it.”

Hinata gave Kageyama’s the nicest smile and they shared a moment for sometime.

“We have to go,” said Nonna.

Kageyama looked down to find Katyusha, but there was nothing around Nonna’s feet.

“I’m up here, Stupid Fake Nonna,” hissed Katyusha, who was now taller than Kageyama since she was on Nonna’s shoulder.

“Wow… that is cheating,” said Hinata. “Kageyama, give me piggyback ride too!”

“No way!” answered Kageyama immediately.

Katyusha wore her padded cap and smiled, genuinely, for the first time, “Today was fun. You suck, but it was fun.”

“Uwoooh! Come again next time and I’ll be better at shooting zombie!” replied Hinata.

Kageyama smacked the back of Hinata’s head, “Practice on your receive first, you Dumbass!”

Nonna giggled a little and Kageyama felt the day was complete.

“Oh, our car is here,” said Katyusha, before jumping down and landed very naturally from Nonna’s shoulder.

Hinata and Kageyama looked outside to see a tank stopped outside the game center.

The thing was at least two and half metres tall and the floor rattled a little when the tank moved.

“Well, see you, Kageyama, Hinata,” Katyusha saluted before running outside then climbed the tank as easy as Hinata jumping.

Nonna bowed in front of them and followed Katyusha.

Kageyama shared glances with Hinata before they watched the tank left.

They walked back in silence. Hinata had to take his bicycle from Coach Ukai’s store, so they walk back there as the snow fell.

“That was quite a day,” said Hinata. “I hope they’re okay with the snow.”

“… They will be okay. They’re riding tank, for God’s sake. Not to mention, what Katyusha rode was T-34-85. It has sloped armor, so it’d be hard to penetrate from front,” sighed Kageyama.

They both went silent.

Hinata laughed, “Oh my God, you’re catching Katyusha-itis.”

“Shut up. You’d be like me too if you spent a day beside tank-freak like her!” growled Kageyama. “Don’t Nonna talked about any tank at all?”

Hinata shrugged, “She seemed to be more interested in talking about Katyusha. Katyusha this, Katyusha that. Also, she asked me whether I am the commander and you’re the co-commander. It feels kind of cool if I were the commander.”

Kageyama ruffled Hinata’s hair, “Dumbass, just focus on become ace and leave it at that.”

Hinata laughed and saluted, “Yessir! Ossu!”

*)*

~Omake~

"Hinata, do you know that Katyusha is 18?"

"Huh?"

"Yeah, she's in third year. She's our senior."

"HUH??????????"

**Author's Note:**

> I had so much fun writing this absurdity.
> 
> If you're holding on to the very end, you're a hero and you deserve a medal.
> 
> Thank you for reading.
> 
> (Also please let me write more fic on tanks. *sobs*)


End file.
